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Breathing – part 1

Breathing is the number 1 way to regulate your body, mind and emotions. We need to breath to stay alive. Our brains need oxygen to function, our blood needs air to flow. Physiologically speaking, there are so many reasons why breathing is essential.  

Psychologically, when we are familiar with our breathing patterns, we can use it to identify when something is off – or on! For many people, when they are mad, they stop breathing. Fists become clenched, jaw is locked, and when the breathing stops, so the blood continues to flow until it gets stuck up in the “hot head”. Notice what happens when you are mad… what is your breathing pattern? What are your hands and jaw doing?  

Same thing when we get excited about the anticipation of something good. Perhaps you have the common reaction of heavy breathing. The tension is similar, fists clench, heart races, and the eventual explosion of air is inevitable. What other emotions cause your breathing to become irregular?  

If you want to exist with a calm mind and be more present in a current situation, (or life in general!) reminding yourself to breath is extremely important.  

Here is the challenge:  

  1.   Find a clock that has the ability to show seconds – either second hands or a count of digital time. 
  2.   Sit with your feet flat on the ground, hands at your side or resting comfortably  on your legs.  
  3.   When you are ready, time yourself sitting for 60 seconds.  
  4.   Notice all the thoughts and feelings that arise during that time. Did you feel antsy, how long until you were ready to move? How many thoughts did you have? What was your body doing? 

60 seconds can feel like 3 hours and it can also pass like the blink of an eye. How you use 60 seconds in a time of frustration, crisis, excitement, or boredom can have a lasting ripple effect on your life, or the life of others. Those “split second decisions” are crucial in times of need.  

Now try this: 

  1.   Find your clock again and prepare for another 60 second sitting.  
  2.   This time, begin with a deep breath in, taking in as much air as you possibly can take. 
  3.   When you cannot fill with anymore air, exhale and release all the air from the base of your core.  *Note the time on how long this 1st inhale and exhale took for you* 
  4.   Now spend the rest of the 60 seconds breathing calmly, in your normal pattern as your body requests it.  
  5.   What sort of sensations do you feel in your body? Can you shift your thoughts to solely focus on your breathing patterns? Do you notice any physical changes? Mental? Or even spiritual? 

In general, don’t make promises as a standing rule. However, I can almost promise that you will always have enough time to take 30-60 seconds to breath before reacting. I can assure you that taking this brief time to focus on regulating your breathing, you will be able to move forward and address your situation with a much more grounded, clear, and focused mind.

This exercise is useful for any moment you are feeling dysregulated. You can always step away and take some deep breaths. It can make all the difference between “reacting” verses “responding” to your circumstances.

~MKM

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Reflection


“Every town has a mirror, and ever mirror still shows me. I am my own ragged company”
~ Willie Nelson and Grace Potter, “Ragged Company”

A few years ago, I worked in a group home for juvenile young adult males. Staff brought to my attention that one young man seemed depressed and his hygiene was not great. When they brought it to his attention, his response was that he “can’t look in the mirror” therefore, he didn’t know what he looked like.

In session, I brought it up as he had identified his social life as an area he would like to work on. He told me he hates what he sees when he looks in the mirror. That all he can see is his father looking back and is immediately reminded that he is turning into him.

What is it that you see when you look in the mirror? As anyone heads on a journey, you probably want to know who you’re traveling with… How often do you spend looking at yourself, truly recognizing yourself in the mirror?

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Here is a great exercise to try:

Find a mirror. Take a deep breath in before looking into it. As you exhale, bring your attention to your reflection and make a note of your immediate thoughts. Be careful not to pass judgment of what you should, or should not be thinking. Just let the thoughts flow.

This is just for you so don’t worry about what other people think, what is it that you see and feel?

After your initial thoughts have settled, start at the top of your head and work your way down.

Observe your hairline, forehead, eyebrows, eyes, temples, the bridge of your nose, your actual nose, reaching out to your cheekbones, cheeks, your lips, down to your chin and your neck. Take note of what you see, each crease and each smooth surface. The color of each feature, every freckle, every cell.

As judgments arise in your mind, be kind to yourself and acknowledge them for what they are, and then come back to your reflection. Get to know your face. Own your reflection. You may recognize resemblances to your ancestors, but each part of the shape and skin coverage is your own.

No one has worn your expressions, no one has seen what you have seen through your eyes. This is your face, what is it telling you, and what are you telling it? Honestly ponder if you treat yourself as a friend or foe.

If you can do this reflective scan with a full body mirror, that is fantastic. Acknowledging your own body is empowering. Connecting your mind to your body image can be even more powerful. The key to this exercise is to let go of judgment and allow just the facts.

Once you begin recognizing yourself separate from the opinions of yourself and others, it is much easier to see yourself as a blank slate. A canvas that you can cover with new experiences. A worthy companion for your journey.

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I promise the more you practice this exercise, the more likely you will reduce anxiety about what other’s think of you. The young man who I spoke of earlier practiced this daily. He eventually realized he has a lot of different features; he then began identifying the different interests he has. Soon it was all the unique qualities that separate him from his tormentor.

He decided to join an after-school club and began to make friends. He spoke about an increase in confidence and self-esteem because he began to accept that he is his own person. He overall felt better when he is going out doing what he enjoys, rather than holding back because of who he thought he was.