“Every town has a mirror, and ever mirror still shows me. I am my own ragged company”
~ Willie Nelson and Grace Potter, “Ragged Company”
A few years ago, I worked in a group home for juvenile young adult males. Staff brought to my attention that one young man seemed depressed and his hygiene was not great. When they brought it to his attention, his response was that he “can’t look in the mirror” therefore, he didn’t know what he looked like.
In session, I brought it up as he had identified his social life as an area he would like to work on. He told me he hates what he sees when he looks in the mirror. That all he can see is his father looking back and is immediately reminded that he is turning into him.
What is it that you see when you look in the mirror? As anyone heads on a journey, you probably want to know who you’re traveling with… How often do you spend looking at yourself, truly recognizing yourself in the mirror?
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Here is a great exercise to try:
Find a mirror. Take a deep breath in before looking into it. As you exhale, bring your attention to your reflection and make a note of your immediate thoughts. Be careful not to pass judgment of what you should, or should not be thinking. Just let the thoughts flow.
This is just for you so don’t worry about what other people think, what is it that you see and feel?
After your initial thoughts have settled, start at the top of your head and work your way down.
Observe your hairline, forehead, eyebrows, eyes, temples, the bridge of your nose, your actual nose, reaching out to your cheekbones, cheeks, your lips, down to your chin and your neck. Take note of what you see, each crease and each smooth surface. The color of each feature, every freckle, every cell.
As judgments arise in your mind, be kind to yourself and acknowledge them for what they are, and then come back to your reflection. Get to know your face. Own your reflection. You may recognize resemblances to your ancestors, but each part of the shape and skin coverage is your own.
No one has worn your expressions, no one has seen what you have seen through your eyes. This is your face, what is it telling you, and what are you telling it? Honestly ponder if you treat yourself as a friend or foe.
If you can do this reflective scan with a full body mirror, that is fantastic. Acknowledging your own body is empowering. Connecting your mind to your body image can be even more powerful. The key to this exercise is to let go of judgment and allow just the facts.
Once you begin recognizing yourself separate from the opinions of yourself and others, it is much easier to see yourself as a blank slate. A canvas that you can cover with new experiences. A worthy companion for your journey.
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I promise the more you practice this exercise, the more likely you will reduce anxiety about what other’s think of you. The young man who I spoke of earlier practiced this daily. He eventually realized he has a lot of different features; he then began identifying the different interests he has. Soon it was all the unique qualities that separate him from his tormentor.
He decided to join an after-school club and began to make friends. He spoke about an increase in confidence and self-esteem because he began to accept that he is his own person. He overall felt better when he is going out doing what he enjoys, rather than holding back because of who he thought he was.
